Terminus
by Chash
Summary: Hanakimi fic, sequel to "Vector". Mizuki decides to return home, with bonus nervous breakdown in the aiport. Much confusion for Sano.


Terminus 

By Chash

Disclaimer: Not mine.  Please don't sue.  That'd be really shibby.

Notes: Sequel to "Vector."  Definition still from Merriam Webster.  

Main Entry: ter·mi·nus 

Function:_ noun_

Etymology: Latin, boundary, end -- more at TERM

Date: circa 1617

1 : a final goal : a finishing point

2 : a post or stone marking a boundary

3 : either end of a transportation line or travel route; also : the station, town, or city at such a place : TERMINAL

4 : an extreme point or element : TIP

            Mizuki was going home.  Technical definition.  Mizuki wasn't sure where home was anymore.  She knew she was going home, but she didn't know where the other her was going.  The other her (a him, actually), the one she had been for a very long time now, was not going home.   He didn't live across the ocean.  And even though it was her technical home, she didn't think it was where she wanted home to be.  Home was where the heart was, she remembered from what seemed like a different life.  Her heart (his heart) was here.  

            She moved her bag, watching the destinations flashing at the Narita airport.  There it was, Los Angeles, departing in two hours.

            "You could have told me you were leaving," Sano said to her.  She spun around to see him leaning against the wall, arms crossed.  A few girls were tittering in his general direction.  He didn't look at them.  He kept looking at her.  She turned to him, realizing how ambiguous she was in that moment—not wearing boys' clothes or girls' clothes, just clothes that could be anything, as she could be (and was) anything, everything.

            "It wasn't really planned out," she told him.  

            "You could have told me."

            "You knew I wouldn't be here forever, Sano."  She still called him Sano.  Distant.  Always distant.  

            "Are you going to college back in America?"

            "Yes.  It would be strange here."  

            "High school wasn't?"

            "It's… Sano, I can't stay here forever."

            "Why not?  You think I won't always be your roommate?  You think you won't find someone else to pretend they don't know?  You think someone will question your allergy to chlorine or…?"  
            Mizuki was staring at him.  He was talking as if… as if he knew.  It must be another fantasy.

            Sano looked back.  "I don't care about all that, Ashiya!"  He said it forcefully, slashing across the air with his arm as he spoke.  "It doesn't matter to me what you are!  I want you to stay!"

            Mizuki blinked.  He was giving her all she had ever wanted.  He loved her, he loved him, he didn't care which one he loved.  It didn't matter to him.  It was what she'd always dreamed of and she didn't understand.

            "Sano… What…?"

            He hugged her.  "I should have said something… I should have told you I knew, but it didn't quite matter.  As long as you were here… Ashiya…"

            "Even if we couldn't be together?"

            "I didn't know… I wasn't sure why you were doing what you were doing.  I still don't know, quite…  But I can't lose you, I won't.  Ashiya, I…"

            "Mizuki."

            "What?"

            "My name is Mizuki."

            "My name is Izumi."

            "We've been roommates for a long time, haven't we?" she asked, sitting down on the dirty floor of the airport.

            "Yes," he replied, joining her.  Finally, she dropped her head on his shoulder.  He blushed a little, but raised his arm around her.

            "I'm tired, Sano."

            "Izumi."

            "I'm tired.  I want to be just one person again."

            "I know.  But do you have to go home for that?  Couldn't you stay here?"  
            "What would I tell the others?  What would I tell Nakatsu?  How could I say I'd been lying to them all this time…?"

            Sano sighed.  "I don't know."

            "When did you find out?"

            "Just when you first came.  I didn't know what to do.  And I…"

            She wouldn't let him say it.  It was too perfect and she could never leave after that.  It had to break soon.  This had to be her dreaming.  He could not miss her.  He could not love her.  Life wasn't that simple.  Something would go wrong.

            "They would feel betrayed.  Wouldn't you?"

            "It doesn't matter.  Mizuki is Mizuki."

            That was too much.  She began to cry.  Sano looked immediately worried.

            "A-Ashiya?  What is it?"

            "I love you," she said finally.  His expression softened and he kissed her on the top of her head.

            "I love you too," he replied.  She sighed.

            "I'm not just Ashiya Mizuki anymore, though, I'm that boy too.  And I don't know if I can ever be whole anywhere."

            He wasn't sure what to say.  So he pulled her closer.  "I don't care what you are," he said finally.  "I just want you to be it close to me."

            She kept crying.  After a few minutes, though, she got up.

            "Sano—I want to be with you.  But I can't face them.  And I have to… I have to figure out who I've become.  It just can't all work out."

            She was throwing it away.  She was tossing away all she'd ever wanted and all the boy inside her had ever wanted and she just had to go and sort herself out.

            "Are you going to L.A.?"

            "Yes."

            "To college there?"

            "Yes."

            He swallowed.  "Then I am too."

            She blinked at him and he leaned his head against hers.  

            "It isn't supposed to be like this," she said finally.  "You aren't supposed to take it all in and love me back.  I never…"  She wasn't sure what to say.  Why wasn't he overjoyed?  Why wasn't she overjoyed?  Why weren't they both leaping with joy into Sano's arms?  They were crying.  Why on earth were they crying?

            "I'm sorry…" she said finally.  "I never should have done this.  I don't know if I can ever make them accept me like this…"

            "What do you mean?"

            "I lied to you all.  It shouldn't be so easy for you to just forget about him…"

            "Who?"

            "Mizuki!  The Mizuki they all knew… I guess you and Umeda-sensei knew me.  I don't want him to die.  And I don't want her to die either.  But it doesn't work out that way.  I can't be both."

            "Why not?  You don't have to lose all you've done here, Ashiya, but you don't have to keep being a boy, even if you stay here.  Couldn't you just remember?"

            "I feel like a murderer," she said, voice soft in her own arms.  "I have since I came here.  Leaving, I just feel like I'm murdering something new.  How can I tell my family about him?  How can I tell the dorm about her?  Sano…"  He did not correct her because she was crying again.  "I don't want to die."

            He wasn't sure what to say, and she kept crying.  He embraced her slowly, completely unsure of what to say or do.  Finally, he pulled away and just looked at her for a moment.

            "Feel better?"

            To his surprise, she nodded.  "I think I needed that.  I hadn't really talked to anyone about it."

            He gently took her hand.  "Come on, Mizuki.  Our flight is leaving?"

            She blinked, all big eyes and boyish features.  Unidentifiable.  "Our flight?"

            "I told you, I'm coming back with you.  I found your plane ticket a few days ago.  It wasn't sold out.  So I decided to come with you."

            "What about everyone else?  Everyone you know here…?"

            He shrugged easily.  "I told them I was going.  I don't think they were surprised, when I said you were too.  I think they could tell about us."

            She blushed.  "You told the dorm that I was going?"

            "Left a note.  I thought you didn't want fanfare."

            "Thank you.  I guess we should get going."

            He nodded, and together they headed for the plane.  

            Somehow, the Mizukis decided, everything was going to be all right.  Because they weren't alone anymore.  


End file.
